I remember looking at other women in the room and how beautiful they looked. I felt like I didn't belong because they were dressed in beautiful clothes and were more fit than I was. I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. I looked at my boyfriend he didn't understand what was going on in my mind. I began to have an anxiety attack. It was all I could do to run outside and get fresh air as the walls seemed like they were crashing down. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I inhaled as many deep breaths as I could. My body shaking in anxiety and fear. Trying to escape this mental jail.
Years later after I learned I was living in fight or flight. This anxiety attack like the many others, had arisen because of a defense mechanism. The fear which transpired through anxiety was rooted in feeling like I was going to be alone. That my boyfriend would leave me for someone prettier or more fit. I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel good enough to be chosen. You see my self esteem and value was based on external experiences.
When I learned to base my value on how I viewed myself and became more confident anxiety attacks went away. It took several years of counseling, healing, and at times courage. Courage to love myself despite my mistakes, despite who was standing with me in the end and even if I found myself standing alone.
I created this workbook for men and women who like me have put their self worth in the hands of external circumstances. If you are ready to take your power back and learn how to worry less about what others think then this is for you.
